


a cloudy haze

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, maybe just a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: She didn't know about his history but she definitely knew now..
Relationships: Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	a cloudy haze

**Author's Note:**

> another Nick at his breaking point fic..oops  
> this was meant to be angsty but it might now be..  
> the Christmas part is a bit random and not needed but it filled room so 😂

Christmas is a joyous time, a time to spend with loved ones, to give back to people who were in need, Christmas movies, singing carols, decorating the tree, walking down the street looking at all the lights and decorations. 

Not this year.

Ellie sat on the closed toilet seat, hands over her mouth tightly to try and muffle her sobs. One of the last things she needed was for Nick to hear her. If he even would..he didn't react to much anymore. He was nothing more than a shadow of his old self.

Usually for Christmas she'd be on her way to Oklahoma by now, if she wasn't already there. This year though, she refused to go. Instead she chose to stay with Nick, to watch over him and hopefully.. _hopefully_ see at least a spark of the man she had fallen in love with. A part of her wondered, if she had told him her feelings, if they had started dating..maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Chad, a friend from Nick's high school days, would have still visited. Nick still would have gone out with him that following weekend, but she wondered if he still would have done it. A large part of her didn't think so, but it turns out while she knew a lot more than anyone else about Nick, she didn't know everything.

She didn't know about his history with drugs. She didn't know about Chad the older bad boy that had turned bullied nerd Nick into a popular bad boy jock himself. She didn't know Chad had introduced him into the world of drugs. She didn't know he had accidentally almost killed himself one night at a party his first year of college from a combination of the drugs and alcohol he consumed. She didn't know he had slipped up once when undercover. She didn't even know he had started using again. Then again, how would she have known? He had been good at hiding it, and it wasn't like she knew about his history in the first place.

Ellie shut her eyes tightly.

_"Nick? You home?" She called out, walking in using the key he had given her for emergencies. Gibbs had called them for a case, but he hadn't picked up the phone for any of them and there had been no answer to her knocks. Nick wasn't one to not answer his phone, and with what happened last time he didn't pick up the phone- she wasn't taking any chances._

_Ellie frowned, her eyes widening taking in his apartment. His usual spotless apartment, besides his bathroom of course, was a mess. Pizza boxes, empty bags of chips, beer and other alcoholic bottles gathered. Her eyes focused on the empty pill bottles on the counter._

_"Nick?!" She called out again, her voice louder with a tone of panic. Ellie's heart raced as she walked quickly to his bedroom, practically throwing the door open._

_For a second, just a second, she felt relief at the image of Nick lying on his bed._

_Until her eyes adjusted to the darkened room._

_Ellie reacted before she could even think. With her heart racing and stomach sinking like she never felt before with tears in her eyes, she rushed over to him and pulled out her phone to dial 911 in the same movement._

_She didn't think she'd ever get the image of the needle in his arm out of her head._

Another sob left her mouth, slightly louder than the last one.

Four months, that was how long it had been since that night. It still haunted her. They had said he was lucky she found him when she did, Nick had large amounts of alcohol in his system the doctor had said, making it so he didn't realize how much of the drug he was taking. Just like before.

He had been sent to rehab and fired from NCIS, which Vance did reluctantly. 

They all were there for him the best they could be..but Ellie was the one to take time off to look after him when he got out. She just didn't think he would be like this. 

Nick barely spoke and when he did, it was only a few words in a low tone you could barely hear. His eyes looked empty, there were only small moments she could see him in there again and she lived for those. He no longer had the horrible withdrawals but she knew he still felt it whenever he snapped the rubber band around his wrist, recommended by Grace to distract him and give him something else to focus on, the small sting of pain was supposed to help. Most of his days were spent on the armchair he moved in front of the window where he gazed outside lost in thought, writing in a journal Grace had given him, and watching her as she sat by his feet drawing in her sketchbook. 

Everyone came by at some point, but Nick was always tense and looked like he was ready to run at any moment whenever they did. Ellie was the only one that didn't receive that terrified look from him. 

Nick was in words, a broken doll you could say. 

_Anyone who has gone through a lot and keeps it all built up inside breaks eventually._ Grace had said softly to her one day. _Drugs had been an escape for Nick once, and when Chad had offered him that escape again, he took it._

Ellie knew it was nothing she did (except maybe sort of accusing him of murder..) but the guilt still ate at her. 

As she stood in the kitchen watching him write in the journal, a thought came to her. 

Did she still love him? 

Was her love just for the Nick Torres that she had known for the last four years? Did she love this Nick who had been addicted to drugs, was almost like a ghost moving about her apartment? Or did she only love the Nick who grinned cockily with his large ego, flirted with her and teased her, looked at her with soft eyes, made her laugh so much her stomach would hurt. 

Could she still love him?

Her eyes drifted to the Christmas tree set up in the corner of her living room. Bright lights lit up the tree but it didn't feel bright. She hadn't even bothered to go all out on decorating it like she usually did. Ellie was all for making the best of the holidays no matter what, keeping up the spirit because things could always be worse. But- she looked back at Nick- her heart hurt too much. 

* * *

That night Ellie woke up slowly at the feel of her bed dipping slightly. She blinked her eyes a few times and rubbed at them, finally seeing the reason she was woken.

Nick was looking at her, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Nick?" She said in a low sleep filled voice that cracked. "What's wrong?"

He didn't say anything but in the moonlight pouring in through the window, she could see a flash of something in his eyes. Her heart did a small jump, the look that lasted for a second was the same way he used to look at her. 

Ellie without thinking about it shuffled over more towards the side, making room for him. Nick's lips twitched in the smallest movement that only lasted for a second as he got into the bed beside her.

What she wasn't expecting was for Nick to right away shift close to her, and bury his face in her neck practically. 

Ellie blinked in shock. Hesitantly she wrapped her arms around him, one hand moving to his growing hair as she gently ran her fingers through it. It had been a while since it was cut.

Her heart did a thing when she felt his lips gently, so gently she barely felt it, touch her neck in a kiss. Her eyes slid shut as they watered. 

He didn't have to say a word for her to understand, the action was all she needed to know what he was trying to tell her. Nick's arm that was thrown around her waist tightened, making it so they were pressed flush together. 

A calm she hadn't felt in months washed over her. 

"Ellie." He whispered, the sound barely reaching her ears but clear enough. He sounded relieved, as if he was finally realizing she was there.

Then she felt his lips turn up into a smile against her neck.

It sent a flow of emotions through her and warmed the cold feeling in her chest. She got her answer as the feelings swirled within her heart. 

Did she still love him? Could she still love him?

Yes. Yes she could. 

Her heart had been his for a while, and she knew that even though things were a cloudy haze for him, his heart was still hers. One day she had hope things would be okay, one day the sun would shine through his darkness and they'd out loud give each other their hearts.

Ellie believed in love, she believed in him.


End file.
